Will Life Ever Be Back to Normal?

"Normal is just a setting on the dryer."

We've all heard the quote and chuckled appropriately.

Until ....... until we were diagnosed with cancer and suddenly the thought of getting life back to normal became a prayer, a plea, and an elusive mirage on the horizon.

When interviewing cancer survivors, almost all of them mentioned struggling with the concept of getting life "back to normal" or facing "a new normal."

"I wanted my energy back and to feel normal, whatever that was," Denise said.

"A new normal," Lori said. "I am learning to embrace it."

"What does back to normal even mean?" Carolyn asked.

(I had an uncle named "Normal" and as soon as he was old enough, he requested to be called "Norm." Can you imagine the jokes he endured! He never wanted to be back to Normal. Just saying.)

Sometimes to breathe hope into the overloaded chaos of our lives with cancer, we tell ourselves (and our support system tells themselves) that after certain milestones, life will be normal again. After chemo. After radiation. After surgery. Three months later. Six months later. One year later.

There is something about human nature that needs to put a stopwatch to pain and uncontrolledness. (This should be a word.)

When normal doesn't arrive, we find ourselves struggling. Questioning. Spiraling into dark place.

Resetting the timer.

Which makes me ask the question. Will life ever be back to normal again?

The answer is "yes."

And the answer is "no."

And according to Lynn Eib in Finding the Light in Cancer's Shadow, "I hope not."

Before you punch the screen on your computer or phone, hear me out.

There will be a point when you wake up one day with dreams and plans again. Even if you have metastatic cancer, you will adjust to the new rhythm and make future goals, even if they are short-term goals. It varies for different people, but one day it will happen.

"Will life ever be back to normal again?"

In that sense, the answer is "yes." One day you will dream again.

Will you return to the exactly the same person you were before cancer? The answer is no.

You have faced a life-threatening illness. You have faced your own mortality. You have learned to prioritize what is really important in your life.

You are a changed person.

Will life ever return to normal again?

This is where I say, "I hope not." And this is true for those in treatment, those finished with treatment, and those who will continue with treatment for the rest of their lives. I hope your life is never a pre-cancer normal.

Here is my hope. For me. For you.

I hope I never forget that life is fragile. And precious.

I hope I never forget that the people around me are eternal.

I hope I never forget that things can change in a moment.

I hope I never forget that old age is not guaranteed.

I hope my calendar never becomes so crowded that there isn't room for listening to someone's story and journey.

I hope I extend the same compassion others showed me.

I hope I live out the scripture verse that says, "I was sick and you visited me." (Matthew 25:36)

I hope I remember not to clutch so tightly to what I can't control.

I hope I extend grace to the grieving.

I hope I maintain a heart of gratitude.

I hope I remember to leave those I love in the hands of God.

I hope I always remember what my mother told me while she wore slippers because her feet were too swollen for shoes and her nose dripped from losing all her nose hairs from chemo and yet she graciously welcomed doctors into their own waiting rooms: Life is beautiful.

I hope I face each new day with courage like my friend Alan who has had 190 rounds of chemo (and counting!) and writes, "Cancer may have robbed me of that blissful ignorance that once led me to believe that tomorrow stretched forever.  In exchange I've been granted the wisdom to see each day as a gift, something to be used wisely and fully.  Nothing can take that away."

I hope I live life here with the attitude of my dad, "I will live until I die and then my real life will begin." 

I hope to live out my days with this prayer on my lips, Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-24 NLT

Lead me in ways that make a difference in eternity.

Will life every be normal again?

Yes. No. And, I hope not!!!

What area of your life do you wish would be back to normal?  Where would you hope your life wouldn't go back to pre-cancer normal?