Enough Time

From my archives from a conversation two years ago.

I attended the man's funeral this weekend....

Recently I attended a fundraiser event put on by the Desert Cancer Foundation of Arizona where my husband serves as Vice President. Kevin introduced me to a man who is currently being treated for cancer. Soon we are swapping treatment stories. I-thought-I-had-it-bad-but-then-I-met-someone-who-had-it-worse stories. Hopes-of-being-cancer-free stories.

He showed me his scar. A jagged red lash across his abdomen. (I declined to show him the scar on my breast.) He was interested in my radiation tattoos. We joked about stuff that really was too serious to be funny, but since we'd both been thrown into the fox-hole of cancer, there was an instant bond and an understanding of ghoulish cancer humor.

Our spouses quietly excused themselves.

We kept talking.

There was a weightedness to our conversation.

Stillness. Fullness. A holy moment.

Time slowed down and we stepped into that moment when we were living fully there. Connected. Fellow Image Bearers sharing heart things.

That mattered.

Because ultimately each of us is not looking for MORE time as human beings. We are wanting ENOUGH time.

And we push, pull, drive and squeeze time seeking for MORE. But MORE runs ahead of us. Always. Just beyond our grasp.

The paradox is this:

It is only in slowing that we find ENOUGH. When we breathe. Reflect. Joke about radiation poisoning while eating carrots and ranch dip. Celebrate a doctor's good report.

I want to discover more of these moments.

On this side of eternity.