When Kindness Spreads Blessing and Joy

I would like you to welcome my friend, Kathy Keresty, to the blog today. Her husband, Joe, and I never received treatment for cancer at the exact same time, but I still consider that our families went through cancer together. I don't like to say that Joe lost his battle with cancer in August, because I have never seen someone fight so tenaciously for the sake of his family against this hideous disease like Joe. In such circumstances, how do you extend kindness? How to you accept kindness? Kathy brings her unique voice and perspective.

When Kindness Spreads Blessing and Joy

Ask yourself: Have you been kind today? Make kindness your daily modus operandi and change your world. - Annie Lennox

When my husband, Joe, was diagnosed with cancer in 2006 the original prognosis was not good. When we shared the details with our network of friends, everyone wanted to do “something”. My first reaction to finding out that my husband had Stage IV cancer and that his chances of living past the end of the month were, well, non-existent, the last thing I wanted was people milling around and taking away what little time we had left. I reacted very negatively to our friends’ offers of help. I figured I didn’t need anyone’s help, nor did I want it.

When people decided to bring meals, my first thoughts were: I can cook. I’m not having any kind of treatment. Why would they assume I couldn’t feed my family? To say I was offended at the offer is too strong, but I certainly was not thrilled at the idea.

In those first weeks, we devoured the internet for anything we could find that would help us process. I read that when you refuse to allow a person to express a kindness, you are taking away their joy and their blessing. I certainly didn’t want to do that, so grudgingly agreed to the meals.

The first treatment came and went - someone brought food. Ok thanks. That was nice. Still slightly annoyed that they would think I couldn’t cook or prepare a meal.

The second week I had to admit that food was nice. The treatment that Joe was receiving then was an all-day adventure. We would drop our girls (then 3rd and 6th grade) off at school and head to the cancer treatment center every Wednesday. Usually we would be done around 4.

By the third week of treatment, I was breathing a sigh of relief, because I didn’t have to hurry home after Joe’s treatment and feed my family. I was actually looking forward to someone taking care of us. Someone being kind to us. Someone doing the only thing they could to make this horrible time in our lives a little less horrible.

I also found that during this time friends would just do things for us without asking “how can I help?” One friend visited almost weekly and brought a basket of “happy” with something for each of us. When Joe mentioned something about always being cold, she brought a lightweight blanket for him to take to his weekly treatments.

Another friend stopped by on chemo weeks with a huge tray of cookies to give to others receiving treatment with Joe.

But then came the incident that I always share as a huge act of kindness, an obvious obeying of God.

Joe and I were in the hospital. The doctor had just explained to me that Joe needed a blood transfusion NOW. Since Joe had never had one before, it was important that my husband be watched all night for any reaction. The doctor felt I knew Joe best and would be the person to do it.

OK, fine, no problem but did we have to wait until 11 pm to figure this out?

I whispered a quick prayer “God, you’ve got to help me stay awake. I am so tired and sleepy I don’t think I can do this.”

At the same time, my friend Anne was in her home, in her warm bed, settling down with her prayers, and preparing for sleep. I had not come prepared to spend the night, let alone stay awake all night. I had just settled into a comfy chair next to Joe’s bed, so I could touch him and see him, when I heard a knock at the door.

It was almost midnight. I had no idea who it could be. It was Anne! She brought the largest mocha coffee, a pillow and a blanket.

She said, “I was already in bed and God told me that you needed me to get up and bring this to you.”

Anne didn’t call to see if I was at the hospital. At the time, I had not yet spent the night at the hospital, so there was no reason for her to think I was there, let alone staying the night. She didn’t seem surprised when she walked in the room and I was there. She didn’t think about how comfortable her bed was or how chilly it was on a January late night. She didn’t wonder, Why would I take this to Kathy?

She just acted.

Kindness to me is simply acting out what seems the right thing to do. Don’t over analyze. Don’t question. Don’t hesitate. Just do. I learned that night that the statement I had read about not allowing someone to do an act of kindness was true. The blessing that both Anne and I (and Joe) received that night by accepting her kindness will never be forgotten.