Loving Your Friend Through Cancer: Moving Beyond I'm Sorry
I am thankful to have Marissa Henley on the blog today. I first noticed Marissa's book, Loving Your Friend Through Cancer: Moving Beyond I'm Sorry to Meaningful Help, a couple years ago, while on the lookout for a practical resource to help others through the uncharted wilderness of a cancer diagnosis. I was encouraged to see that Marissa was picked up by a publisher and the book released again this year.
With 1.7 million people diagnosed in 2017 with cancer in the United States, we all need the tools necessary to reach out with kindness and real help.
I appreciate the insights Marissa gives on the important role friends can have in the difficult season of cancer. She gives concrete suggestions for providing emotional, physical, and spiritual support that reflect genuine compassion and sympathy. She even details what type of friend should come and clean your toilet! (Which is important, because you don't want to feel like you have to pre-clean your house before asking someone to come over, especially when you are in the middle of chemo.)
Practical wisdom learned in the trenches.
When people are in the overwhelm of cancer, I often say, "You are not helpless. Small kindness matters!" Marissa details how people can move from helpless to helpful.
Please welcome Marissa today.
You are a cancer survivor. Can you tell me a little bit about your experience with cancer?
In October 2010, on the day before my 34th birthday, I was diagnosed with a rare cancer called angiosarcoma. When I typed this strange new word into Google, I learned that only 30% of those diagnosed with angiosarcoma survive the first 5 years. At the time, my boys were 6 and 4, and my baby girl was 18 months old. I started begging the Lord to let me live long enough for my daughter to remember me.
Because of the rare and aggressive nature of the cancer, we sought medical treatment at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, several hundred miles from my home. I received months of high-dose chemotherapy along with a clinical trial, radiation, and surgery. I spent about 14 weeks away from my young family, trading those months with the hope of gaining years.
After almost a year of treatment, I heard every cancer survivor's four favorite words: "No evidence of disease." By God's grace, I have remained cancer-free ever since.
You originally self-published Loving Your Friend Through Cancer. Can you share with me the journey of having it picked up by a publisher?
I'm amazed at how God has worked to bring about His plans for me with this book! I self-published the book in March 2016 because I didn't want to take the time to pursue traditional publishing (and the rejection letters that I assumed would result from my efforts).
A few months later, I attended a writing conference, and my sister came to spend time with me. When my sister got home and told a friend about my experience at the conference, another friend overheard the conversation. And that friend is an acquisitions editor for a Christian publisher. She reached out to me the next day. I wrote a proposal, and a few months later, I was shocked to receive a contract.
God was so gracious to give me a story that gives Him all the glory - I can't take any of the credit for what He has done!
People who buy your book are in the middle of a crisis with cancer with someone they love. What do you hope your readers receive from your book?
I know there have been times when I've hesitated to reach out to a friend who's hurting because I'm afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. So in this book, I try to shed light on what our friends with cancer are experiencing and what they need the most. I hope readers feel encouraged, equipped, and empowered to move toward their friend who is suffering and offer compassionate support.I also hope readers are encouraged to draw closer to the Lord as they walk alongside their friend through hard times. He alone is our source of wisdom, strength, comfort, peace, and hope. He will hold us fast as we enter the storm of suffering with our loved ones.
What made you decide to write this book?
A few years ago, a friend asked me for suggestions for how to support a mutual friend of ours as she battled a cancer recurrence. I gave her some advice and then watched as she put it into action. She was blessed as she served and encouraged our friend, and our friend was blessed by receiving her support. I thought, "Wouldn't it be great if I could help more women with cancer receive the support they need by helping their friends know what to do?"
What feedback from your readers has encouraged you as the author?
I’ve appreciated hearing from other cancer survivors that what I’ve written resonates with their experience. Sometimes I feel anxious about representing cancer survivors, because I know everyone’s journey is different. I take the responsibility seriously and want to steward this opportunity well! So hearing other survivors say the advice is spot-on has been a big encouragement.I also love hearing that readers gained a richer understanding of what their loved one is feeling and experiencing while battling cancer. When you’re the one experiencing a trial, it helps to feel understood by others, and I’m grateful to be able to contribute to that greater understanding.
Is there anything else you want to tell me as the author of Loving Your Friend Through Cancer?
I think it's important to remember that none of us will be the perfect friend to our friends with cancer. I want to constantly remind myself and others to rely on our Lord Jesus Christ, who is our perfect friend and our perfect hope. While our efforts will fall short at times, we can trust Him to use our imperfect efforts as part of His perfect plan to provide for our friends. You can find Loving Your Friend Through Cancer by clicking on this link.
You can find Marissa here: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Blog.
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About Lynne Hartke
I share stories of courage, beauty, and belonging--belonging to family, to community, and to a loving God. I am author of Under a Desert Sky: Redefining Hope, Beauty, and Faith in the Hardest Places.I help cancer survivors capture their valuable stories at writing workshops each month at Ironwood Cancer and Research Center in Chandler, AZ and at Cancer Support Community Arizona in Phoenix. If cancer has touched your life, check out a free printable: Dear Friend Who Was Diagnosed with Cancer, and a tutorial on creating courage flowers, with a download of courage paper.