Maintaining Close Friendships

"We met in sixth grade," a bridesmaid said when she was asked how she knew the bride. "My mom dropped me off at her house for a birthday party. Mom told me, 'You should become friends with her. She lives close.'"

And so began a live-close friendship that they maintained even a decade later, when one lived in Florida and the other lived in Texas.

Live-close friendships can be a challenge in our fast-changing society. As a woman, I often find my days consumed with work, volunteering and family commitments. To be honest, I wish I was better at the whole friendship thing. I work hard at keeping my family a priority, but somewhere I have bought the illusion that friendships just "happen." Of course it doesn't work that way. Like all important relationships, friendships need time and attention also.

I have friends that I have known for 25 years. I have friends that I met last year. Both old and new friendships require some of the same strategies to remain strong.

Maintaining Close Friendships - The Five C's

1. Commitment. 

There has to be a commitment on both sides to make a friendship work. If one person tries keep the relationship going and the other makes no effort, the friendship will soon fizzle out.

2. Connection.

Social media, phone calls, texting, skype, letters, and (gasp) meeting face to face are all ways to keep a friendship alive. Also, a quick text message is better than waiting for time to make a 30 minute phone call that will probably never happen.

3. Commonality.

In the past three years I have made new friends who share my interest in writing and who are involved in the American Cancer Society. I have been reminded that the foundation of a good friendship is often found in common interests: exercising together, attending the same church, participating in a hobby or club or doing things with other parents while you hang out at your kids' activities.

4. Challenge Each Other.

Encourage each other to set goals and work toward them together. I have friends who encourage me to write, to exercise, to grow in my walk with God and to raise money for the American Cancer Society and kick cancer in the teeth. Friendship can be more than meeting for a weekly Starbucks.

5. Concentrate on the Details.

Pay attention to the small things. When a friend asks me about a doctor's appointment or how my writing is going, I feel cared for. Valuable. When I reciprocate with concern for her family or work situation, we maintain a closeness and connection. Details matter.

It's the little details that are vital. 

Little things make big things happen. - John Wooden

How do you maintain live-close friendships?