Peace in Wind-Tossed Times

The wind greets us before we arrive, tossing our plane in a roller coaster ride as we prepare to land at the Minneapolis airport.

I wish I'd taken Dramamine. It's an uncomfortable feeling to have my stomach in my throat.

Later that night, sleeping in my old childhood bedroom, I am awakened by the wind as the leaf-less branches scratch out a winter melody outside my bedroom window. I scootch closer to my husband's warm form.

The next day we go out to explore my parents' country property. The sun shines on an unseasonably warm day, but the wind's cold breath creeps into all our layers, cutting our adventure short.

"I don't know if I can live in this house alone," Mom says, as we sit at the dining room table; warm tea cups grasped in wind-chilled fingers. "Your dad wants to get settled in a new place," she says. "Just in case."

The wind of cancer has a sharp bite to it.

But when I look into my mom's eyes. Deep. Past the I-need-to-protect-my-little-girl wall that is sometimes up, I see peace. Hard-won peace.

Peace: clarity about who is in charge                                               

-Jennifer Dean in Pursuing the Christ

How do we find peace in wind-tossed times?

In Mark 4:35-41, Jesus and the disciples are crossing the Sea of Galilee in the evening when a furious squall comes up, nearly swamping the boat. The disciples are frantically trying to keep afloat while Jesus is in the stern, sleeping on a cushion.

Did you catch that? Sleeping on a cushion. Talk about peace in wind-tossed times.

The disciples wake him up. "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" they ask.

Jesus gets up, calms the wind and the waves with a few words, "Quiet! Be still!" (No long preachy prayer. Just a few choice words, because maybe the disciples are wishing they took Dramamine too.)

I love what the Bible says next in verse 39. "Then the wind died down and IT WAS COMPLETELY CALM."

Not a ripple on the water.

The disciples look at each other and are terrified, asking "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!" (verse 41)

Did you catch that? The storm is over. The danger of drowning is behind them. Yet they are still afraid. Why?

Storms have a way of making us look at what we really believe. Or more accurately, WHO do we believe. And that can be terrifying. Especially when we look inside our hearts and see the same doubts and fears that gripped the disciples.

We too are asking our don't-you-care-that-we-are-drowning questions. We too are frantically trying to keep our boat from sinking, because let's face it, it IS scary to come face to face with our inability to control matters of life and death. Most of the time we believe that by organizing our daytimers, eating right and living a good life, that we have control of our destinies and we can keep sickness and pain away.

But then the winds come.

Stripping our hearts bare. Making us look at where our faith has taken us. Is Jesus just a storybook figure who we have read about in Sunday School? Is he a good teacher? A prophet?

Or is God standing in the boat with us, dripping wet, in the middle of our storm, speaking calming words in wind-tossed times?And if God is in the boat with us, what does that say about who is in charge? If God is in the boat with us, is it possible that we will not shipwreck? That he has the power (and the love) to see us safely to the other side.

These are the questions I find myself currently facing. I find I don't have easy answers. Many days I'm wishing I took Dramamine as I watch the wind toss around those I love.

But this I discovered in my own cancer journey.

This I see in the eyes of my mother. Of my father.

This I have to believe--Jesus is with me. With us. He is our peace in wind-tossed times.

These are not just words. But a hard-won reality.

_______________________________

FYI - Currently my dad is feeling great. He is participating in a clinical trial and we remain hopeful.