What Cancer Survivors Want
What Cancer Survivors Want
On a shelf in my office, next to a collection of Relay for Life memorabilia is an oval object that looks like a wooden egg.
It was a gift from my parents, made by a cousin:
a small kaleidoscope.
Inside the chamber, crystals of red, blue, green and yellow, shift and change with each turn and movement.
As a cancer survivor I have known the twisting. The changing. The shifting.
The wanting for everything to stop moving.
If you love someone with cancer, you need to know there are three categories of things all cancer survivors want when everything turns on its head and the pieces all shift and collide:
1. The Ultimate Want
2. Goal-orientated Wants
3. Life with Purpose Wants
The Ultimate Want
Every survivor wants the guarantee that their cancer will be eradicated and will not return. This idealistic want might be unrealistic, but it doesn't lessen the power it has in a survivor's life. Part of the grieving and loss tied to cancer is coming face to face with the fact that we have no control over this ultimate want and no ability to bring that want into reality.
In an effort to grip onto some level of control of this idealistic want, survivors can make radical changes in medicine, exercise or diet and while these practices may bring good changes, they still don't provide the ultimate guarantee that the cancer will be gone forever.
Goal-Orientated Wants
A survivor transitions to embracing a life after a cancer diagnosis by establishing specific, attainable goals. These achievable wants might include:
Permission to say "no" to things that were once a "yes" and "yes" to things that were once a "no."
Continual support. Once active treatment is over, a survivor wants those closest to know and understand that they will still need emotional support and someone who will listen to them process all the changes.
Take control of the controllable. A survivor wants to take control of what they can in regard to their own bodies and while the ultimate want of the cancer never returning is not guaranteed, a survivor still wants to listen to their bodies and make the changes necessary to take control of aspects of their health that are manageable in areas of diet, exercise, etc.
A new future. Cancer came, the kaleidoscope twisted and with it, priorities shifted. A survivor wants those who can dream and plan for a different tomorrow.
Life With Purpose Wants
Life With Purpose Wants are often spiritual and faith-based in nature. Cancer stripped away the idea that death is a far off reality. Cancer forces us to come face-to-face with our own mortality. For me, life after my cancer and the cancer of my parents made me realize in a tangible way that eternity matters and heaven is much closer than we realize.
Life With Purpose Wants help me to grapple with the ultimate want where I have no control. I want my life to matter and I want to find peace when the kaleidoscope turns. I cannot control my number of days, but I can choose to put my hand in the hand of someone who is in control, who promises to never leave or forsake me.
So, where does that leave us?
As a survivor, when you find yourself wanting something, ask yourself, "What type of want is this? Ultimate? Goal-orientated? Life With Purpose?"
Is the want attainable? Is it a want that can be controlled? If you have no control, can you shift the want to something where you can? Is it a want that you need to place in the hands of God who has ultimate control?
If you love someone who has had cancer, you need to understand the incredible power their wants can have and to understand the influence a want has when you hear it in the voice of someone you care about. They are trying to come to terms with the uncontrollable. Most of the time they need a listening ear. If the want is unattainable, the last thing they need to hear is they are being unrealistic. What they want and need is someone who will stand with them when the kaleidoscope turns.
What do you want?