When Life Knocks The Wind Out of You

We were packing up the car at the end of our vacation when it happened.

All week we had carefully watched our four-year-old son when he climbed up and down the homemade circular stairway that led to the cabin loft. Owned by friends and still under construction, there was no guardrail.In the final moments of grabbing the last suitcase Nathan escaped to the loft. I yelled that it was time to go and he came running for the stairs. I can still see him flying through the air as he lost his footing and fell from the loft. He body-slammed on his back on the carpet below.Therewasnotasinglesound.

He tried to gulp air, but the wind was knocked out of him.

(Fast forward to the end of story - we were scared out of our wits, but he was fine.)

This week I talked with a friend and cancer survivor.

"How did you do it?" she asked. "How did you begin to dream again after having cancer?"

Sometimes life has the way of knocking the wind right out of our dreams. Of body-slamming us flat on the ground.

Cancer. Divorce. Lingering illness. Teenage problems. Depression. Mental illness. Death. Grief.

Something happens to knock us flat on our backs and our dreams suffer.

When my friend asked me that question, I knew exactly what she meant. After the initial diagnosis life became consumed with treatments, surgeries and side effects. With life altering decisions and sober conversations. And in the whirlwind of wrapping my brain around the new normal, dreams were set aside in order to survive another day.

One. More. Day.

If dreams were thought of at all, they fell under the category of "What If I Die" Lists.

You know the kind of list I'm talking about. Some call it a Bucket List - dreams that linger in the back of our minds.

We tell ourselves we will get to them. Someday.

After the kids are grown. When we get a promotion. After we retire. When the toddlers start elementary school. After we lose fifteen pounds. When we get married (or divorced.)

Then. Then. Then we will follow our dreams.

Cancer has a way of bringing the Bucket List from the background into the forefront of our thoughts, because Someday suddenly has a finish line. I don't care if you have stage 1 or stage 4 cancer, the diagnosis forces you to face your own mortality, to realize you don't have forever on this side of eternity.

How To Dream Again

1. Tackle the "What If I Die?" List.

I think it's healthy to look at this list. End-of-life decisions should be made and talked about. I have a file from my parents with funeral plans and things I need to know when they are gone, down to the songs and scriptures they want read at the service.

So make that list. Update your will. Restore relationships. Plan your funeral service. Whatever. Do it and then...

2. Put The "What If I Die?" List Away.  

Print out a copy, seal it in an envelope, give the list to a family member and be done with it.

3. Start a "What If I Live?" List. 

It's an important mind-shift, from dying to living. From procrastination to determination. From someday to today. Plan that scenic drive in a rented convertible down the coast of California. The gourmet cooking class you've been meaning to take. That trip to Italy. 

I recommend starting something new that wasn't a part of your life before your dreams were knocked in the dirt. Waking up new brain cells is a great way to start dreaming again. For feeling alive.

4. Break the List Into Time Slots.

Take your list and put a time frame to it. What if I live one month? Six months? One year? Five Years? Ten? Twenty? Make plans for your future. Dream again.

How about you? Has life ever knocked the wind out of your dreams?

What did you do? What is on your "What If I Live" list?