Wishing You a Joyful Mathematical Christmas
This post is not about the desert. Or anything particularly religious. Today's post is about math. Math and Christmas. Math, Christmas, and the stress around our tables at the holidays.
You may swear on a stack of cookbooks, that this year will be different, that you are going to spend the holidays singing about silent nights and peace on earth, but then the refrigerator goes on the fritz, your son's teacher sends home a note about head lice, and your cousin asks if her new boyfriend and his six children can come for Christmas Eve dinner.
Pass the mashed potatoes and a bottle of Tylenol.
Last week, I was talking with a young mom who added a new baby to their family of three. She was lamenting about being absolutely overwhelmed, which is understandable. Christmas is already a busy time of year without adding feedings, diaper changes, and sleep deprivation.
But it is more than that. And here is where the math comes in.
My friend didn't just add one baby into the family.
Before babykins, there were three relationships: mommy/daddy, mommy/toddler sister, and daddy/toddler sister. The addition of the baby bumped the relationships in their home to six, as the baby has a separate relationship with each member of the family.
Double the relationships. No wonder life is a bit overwhelming!
She went from three to six relationships with the addition of one little smiling face on the Christmas photos.
(Thanks to my author friend, Joan Webb, who quoted me on this in her book, Nourishment for New Moms.)
Which brings me to the thought of our tables during the holidays. As the host or hostess do you feel the weight of managing all the complex relationships?
Do you struggle with inviting Great Aunt Matilda because she scares your four-year-old with her clacking false teeth? Not only that, she loudly disagrees with the political stance of your husband, and she makes uncomfortable remarks about your vegan sister-in-law. She doesn't just represent one additional place setting. Great Aunt Matilda causes stress to at least three relationships around your table and as hostess you are not only wondering how to get the ham and potatoes done, but how to keep the peace among family members.
This is a huge challenge for me. Deep down, I believe food is one of the ways we love each other, and the table is one of the most sacred places we gather. (Thanks to Shauna Niequist for this thought in the book, Bread and Wine: A Love Letter to Life Around the Table.)
I believe in the connected-ness and the importance of caring for those around the table, but I confess, I sometimes struggle with the weight of carrying on family traditions and the responsibility I feel for those who share space with me.
Not the weight of having a perfectly set table, decorated home, or a seven course, Pinterest-worthy meal.
No, not that.
The weight of time passing too quickly. The weight of people being loved and welcomed. The weight of having an impact on my children and grandchildren.
Which got me thinking about numbers. There will be twelve people at my family table this year. How many relationships is that?Let me demonstrate using a state-of-the-art diagram. The first person at the table (me), would have eleven different relationships:
The second person (my husband) would have ten additional relationships. And so forth. (I vaguely remember figuring this out with an algebraic formula in high school, but come on people! That was a lifetime ago!)
The final diagram looks like this:
Let's look at the numbers. 11 + 10 + 9 + 8 + 7 + 6 + 5 + 4 + 3 + 2 + 1 = 66. There are 66 relationships around my table. THERE ARE 66 RELATIONSHIPS AROUND MY TABLE!
Talk about overwhelming! What's a hostess to do?
You might think the answer was enough to send me over the edge, to prompt me to buy a single, one-way ticket to Hawaii so I could spend Christmas under a coconut tree. But no.
To be truthful, the numbers actually flabbergasted me. And then made me laugh. Laugh out loud.
Why?
The equation did not make me more frantic, but brought me freedom, because I realized there was absolutely no way in a gazillion years that I could figure out the interactions of sixty-six relationships and get the Christmas cookies done this year.
In fact, I realized I didn't even have the strength to control one relationship. (An extra Christmas present for me for remembering that universal truth!) Talk about relief.
As my friend, Joan Webb, often says, "Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful." (Her book,It's a wonderful (Imperfect) Life, is a great read .)
I am going to embrace that imperfect, wonderful life around my table this Christmas.
How about you? How many relationships around your table this year?
Let the math bring you freedom and then pass the mashed potatoes.
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