I Have a Secret
We live in an age where it is harder and harder to keep secrets. The many details of our lives are posted on the internet and on social sites like Facebook and My Space. And whether its chatting with friends in a junior high classroom or around the copy machine at work, we don't have to look very deeply to know that the telling and keeping of secrets is part of our interaction as people.
Shakespeare and other authors have explored the complexities of human emotions as plots have unfolded around secrets that have been kept and when secrets have been betrayed.
For the past 23 days I have known that I am going to be a grandparent and while immediate family knew, I was under strict guidelines to make no excited posts on Facebook until my son and his wife had time to tell their many friends. When they posted the news on FB on Saturday, I knew I had the go-ahead to tell others:
I'M GOING TO BE A GRANDMOTHER!
In the past 23 days, I have been amazed at how many conversations I have had with others that involved children, grandchildren or pregnancy. I even had several people ask me directly, "Any grandkids yet?" My evasiveness without outright lying has been a sight to behold!
As a pastor's wife, I am the holder of many people's secrets. I know the details of people's darkest hours. It goes with the job. And whether you are in ministry or not, it is my personal opinion that people's stories belong to them. That even if you have had the humbling privilege of knowing somebody else's secret, it never gives you the right to make that information public knowledge - even when the secret is happy news.
The site Keep Your Secrets has the following advice for NOT "spilling the beans."
1. Don't Tell Anyone.
A simple truth, often ignored. The temptation is just to tell one person, who tells one person, who tells one person, etc.
2. Don't Act Like You Know a Secret.
When the talk turned to grandchildren, I never steered the conversation to talk about my family. I didn't give the attitude of "I know something you dont' know."
3. Don't Play 20 Questions.
Sometimes people realize that I know something about a situation and try to get me to join the game of them guessing what the secret is NOT, hoping they can figure out what the secret IS. When I find myself getting sucked into this strategy, I usually just say, "I am not free to talk about it." I have had people upset with me, but that is not my problem.
Which takes me to my last point:
4. Politely, Firmly and Quietly, Refuse to Tell.
It's not a time for getting defensive or angry. It's a time for choosing integrity and keeping your word to the person who has entrusted you with a precious gift - their story. (And I am very, very glad I can now share the happy news.)
"Gossips can't keep secrets, but a trustworthy person can." Proverbs 11:13 NCV
What is your advice for keeping a secret?