Is It Denial Or Is It Hope?

Is it denial or is it hope?

This is the question I asked myself after reading an email from my friend, Lori, who was diagnosed six years ago with chronic lymphocytic leukemia. She is currently participating in a clinical trial in Tucson, Arizona.

After detailing a recent clinical procedure, Lori writes, "I think I still am in denial dealing with this. I know I talk about it freely, but I still don't totally believe that I have cancer. Weird, I know. Sometimes it breaks through and I get scared. It doesn't last long though. I believe it is a type of grace that I live with. God is good."

I can relate to Lori's reaction to cancer, because there were days during treatment that I had a similar response. My brain knew that I had cancer, but many times I found myself believing it was cancer with a little "c".

Little c cancer could be controlled and eliminated like a nasty virus, I thought, if I faithfully did all the things my doctor asked of me. Little c cancer was like an annoying garter snake, scary when I first came upon it, but really nothing to worry about. I found that little c had nothing in common with his evil twin brother, Big C Cancer.

I did not like the days I had to fight with Big C, who was a fierce dragon, out to take away my dreams with one fiery breath, greedily destroying everything in his path.

But there was one thing that even Big C could not destroy.

And that was hope.

Hope is stronger than cancer.

1 Corinthians 13:13 reminds us that at the end of all things, faith, hope, and love will remain. Hope stands tall between her two siblings, faith and love, making a powerful trio. It is to this hope I cling for my friends with cancer, fighting the snake and fighting the dragon, believing that there is a tomorrow out there in which we all will be cancer-free.

Sometimes, I think, we find ourselves living in the belief of that tomorrow, rather than in the reality of today. This can come across as denial, but I want to argue that it is hope.

Romans 8:25 says, "But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it." So, in the midst of doctor visits, medications and treatments, we search eagerly for that tomorrow, not always knowing on which side of eternity it will find us. But in hope, we know it will.