When You are the Unwelcomed Visitor

Over spring break my son wanted to revisit the last two universities he was trying to choose between. I made some phone calls to one university and was pleased to talk to a live person, rather than a recording, and to have her walk me through the process of signing up for a day of specific tours on their campus.

The roads around the university were under major construction when we arrived. The parking garage we were told to go to wasn't accessible, so the attendant directed us to the next parking structure. I swung next to a vehicle on the second level, parked my car and we headed out for a day of tours.

We were met by three engineering students who gave us a pamphlet of information, bottled water and a copy of the day's agenda, which included an overview of the engineering department and honor's college, a campus tour and an opportunity to attend a class with another student in the biomedical engineering field. We were also treated to lunch be two engineering ambassadors who answered all our questions.

During the entire visit, we felt welcomed and every effort was made to make us feel included and wanted.

When we returned to the car, the vehicles around us were gone and I made a joke about my bad parking job. I had parked four inches over the line on the driver's side. While getting into the car, I noticed an envelope under my windshield. I opened it--

a parking violation for parking over the line. Cost $35.

On the back of the ticket was a website for appealing the citation.

No problem, I thought, I will explain that I was a visitor to the campus who wasn't familiar with the rules.

Once home, I logged into the website and clicked on the appeals page. I was directed to the following page:

The Following Reasons Are Not Acceptable Grounds to Appeal:

1. Being a visitor.

2. Being new to the campus.

3. Not knowing the regulations.

4. Being late to an appointment.

5. Parking next to a vehicle that was parked incorrectly.

6. Not agreeing with the policy.

Scrolling down the page, I discovered that the only appropriate appeals included accidents or emergencies where I was instructed to attach accident reports, medical records, auto repair bills and photographs.

To be clear, I am a rules follower. I understand the need for rules. I recognize the reality of everyone claiming to be a visitor, making enforcement impossible,

BUT,

in that moment, I went from a wanted and welcomed visitor to a clueless outsider who didn't know the unposted rules. I was no longer an Us. I had become a Them.

I thought of all the time and effort that had been spent on the front end of that day to entice our son (and his money) to attend the university. At stake was four years of tuition and housing, with the strong possibility of a future master's degree. All that time and effort was potentially sabotaged by a policy in the background that was never even considered by the university because the rule was understood and known by everyone in the In Crowd.

Which brings me to the following questions:

1. How are visitors welcomed to your organization/church/club/business?

2. Are there unwritten and unposted rules that make a newcomer feel unwelcome? Do you have private acronyms and jokes that only insiders understand?

3. Are people in the background setting up rules that go against your organization's vision for visitors? Do you have minions establishing their own private dynasties?

4. Do you have $35 rules that are putting $100,000+ decisions in jeopardy?

Maybe the university could hand these out: